We have emotions as we have limbs. The emotions are just a few more than our limbs which are only four. We need to use them all in order to keep them functional. Sometimes we walk and use our legs keeping them fit. Other times we cook, exercising our hands’ abilities. Our emotions need workout and building exercises, too. There was a time when I needed to practice jealousy and times when I had to feel hatred so that these emotions remained functional for my enjoyment or simply to be able to recognize them when I saw them in others. Luckily, I never said no to any of them and eventually, I arrived in a beautiful moment when I needed to practice love.
Love is that force of the Universe we don’t fully understand yet said a character in my favorite film, “Interstellar”. It is a force that certainly challenges and transforms us.
When love visits me, I feel sick. Everything becomes confused and my body starts shaking, I have headaches, muscular pain, fever, and I cannot sleep well. The days pass extremely slowly, I don’t eat, yet I’m full of energy. I consider this feeling resembling a virus. If we think about, love acts very similarly to common flu. I always live love in extreme and for weeks I can hardly control my body or my mind. After a while, I regain my balance and I feel completely reset.
Love charges me and when I feel it, I start to believe in God, in spirits and entities, in the possibility of the fact that maybe we are driven, invested, directed. Love is absolutely magic and every time I feel it it’s like the first time. I can swear it’s for the first time I’m truly in love and I honestly think it’s for the last time. I’m so happy and I believe that all I’ve done in life was to prepare me for the love I currently live. Every time it’s unique, the most special and the reason I was born for and apparently things finally make sense. In these moments, I found myself restless, with a huge desire of getting to the result, willing to jump over proper training. The first encounter with the person I love is so strong that I feel like dying and repeatedly, I have the same thoughts. How could aliens or angels contact us when it is so difficult for us to get used to the presence of another human being? We’d die!
My love found a frame, a circumstance, and of course, a screen on which to be projected. But who is this person and what story does he carry so that I chose him and invested him to be the bearer of my love? The answer is less important and his story does nothing else than to reflect my projection. I simply love him and I need to manifest this love as others feel the need to manifest compassion, hatred, or jealousy. So, I hooked my love on him but as well, I could have hooked it to a nail inserted into the wall. My main emotion has always been love, which can be a burden as any other feeling and the person that is projected on must carry it as well.
It’s all about projections and as some people cripple others in order to have the right material to practice compassion, I enhance his being, imagine him more handsome, more intelligent, funnier than he is in order to have a screen for my huge love. In my eyes, he becomes the most perfect being on Earth. It is the way I see everything, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to bear the reality or I should be on drugs in order to live. So, love is a drug that improves the reality. I may say that every feeling could be considered a painkiller or a drug, a way to cope with reality. I want the reality to be ideal, beautiful, joyful. I want the future to be bright, I want to see the good things, to find the possibilities and avoid the evil, the problems, the negative outcomes. All in all, I want to avoid death. The death of hope, the death of his beauty. I enhance it every day so his beauty will be even stronger tomorrow, his eyes will shine twice as much and his smile will be an endless joy for me, the one who practices love.
This short meditation on love has a lot to do with my novel, “The Training of Joy”. The characters are prone to the extreme and when they experiment with emotions, they usually do it in extreme and have a reason for it.
“We call upon all forms of human emotions: fear, wrath, anger, compassion, hatred, or, like you said, love, and extreme desire. It’s our trait because we live at high altitudes… Anyway, you’ve talked a lot about emotions. Enabling emotions in the extreme is a way of accelerating the initiatory act. The intensity of emotions releases energies which lead to the unification of psychic impulses, and in this way, consciousness goes beyond conceptual dualism.” – says one of the main characters in the novel.